Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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