dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
