I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
