it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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