am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
