He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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