Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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