You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
