You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
