We're like a lot better than the average bears
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
