it was like his penis was on wheels.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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