Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
