I love black thongs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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