You don't have asthma, your pregnant
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize