What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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