i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
