Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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