i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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