im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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