Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
