never play flip cup with pint glasses
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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