Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
