I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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