Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize