I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
