Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
