I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
