No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
