Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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