I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am available for nakedness
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
