i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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