I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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