i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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