awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
