Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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