yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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