My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
