I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
