stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
