we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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