I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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