How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
