A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
