so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
