Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
