how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
