dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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