D3 body, D1 cock
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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