So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
