Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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