Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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