How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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