I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
3pm strippers are depressing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
