Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
