Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
