He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
