There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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