@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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