if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
